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i just love these times…

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the lighting is really bright. but this is pretty artistic haha.DSC06647

🙂

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the hair is okay what! hahah

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not just the regular kopitiam auntie. she’s a spiritual, beautiful woman of god. heh

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my feyvret photo cause you cant see my fat face. 😀

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group!

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omg chantel so cute!

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loveliest people :)

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There is this scenario that keeps replaying in my mind. Most nights it gets harder to get by. All i think about is how am i gonna avoid this situation, how i can be devoid of emotions, of existence when it happens, and how i’m still gonna step forward bravely, independently. Suddenly, it dawned upon me, im actually afraid of my future. Because of what i think and what i know will eventually happen.

Im not being emo, because i know i have been really realistic and harsh on myself and urging myself to keep moving forward. But there are just some nights that puzzle me, that shake me with fear for the future, and then i realise, this is the reason why i cant sleep at night. because of my fear of ___________.

forgiving myself

I was reckless. I was stubborn. Growing from my mistakes were hard. Admitting my mistakes were even harder. Yet i never could comprehend how forgiving myself is the hardest. In my hearts of hearts, I am struggling to acknowledge I’m forgiven, I am learning how to forgive myself.

It has been an intimate night with god. The verses are resonating in my heart and it pulpates with brimming nostalgia. What mattered doesn’t matter anymore. The harder I grip it, the more pain I feel from the hand that won’t let go.

Forgiveness requires different effort whether earned or given. That’s how I feel. Giving it is a decision but it sometimes encompasses deeper emotional wounds and trauma; Earning it is a process.  Process of change, then of recognition of growth, and lastly of self acknowledgement and self-forgiveness.

haha just wanna count my blessings. 🙂 pai ming bu fen xian hou.

20-06-09_1917

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oooopss. but she really makes me LOL. DSC06288

ooooooooooopppsssssssssss… hhahhhahahaha.

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